THE BALANCING/UN-BALANCING OF LIFE DURING COVID-19

I left Botswana in February 2020 to work on my first feature film script at Yaddo, Saratoga Springs, New York. As I was preparing for my Artist in Residence (AIR) program at the Headlands Center for the Arts in Sausalito, California in March, everything all over the world was put on hold. The pandemic hit deeply, struck fast, and weighed heavily on the world. Each program was postponed so I started sheltering in place, unable to travel back to Botswana due to travel restrictions intended to mitigate the spread of COVID-19.

I spent my days video calling friends and family. Each morning I called my son, Cay, to reassure him that I would be coming home soon. I had my reservations about virtual parenting, but I am thankful for technology. Every day I got to see my son and my parents who were doing an incredible in-person parenting job. I had postponed my flight 4 times in 6 months, spent my birthday without my son, and missed his birthday. I also watched 40 films, read 10 books, and wrote more than I ever have.

I spent time in silence, looking for pieces of my life I needed to confront. I discovered the definition of self-acceptance, which to me means having a deeper understanding of my strengths and shortcomings. I had enough time to disconnect myself from situations that I knew were either unhealthy or burdensome. I also learned the value of self-compassion. I'm now more open to being compassionate towards myself. I've learned and I'm still learning that change is complex. That people evolve (block by block) and grow with every experience. Every day is a block for me. If COVID-19 has taught me anything, it’s that no two days are the same.

Writing in this pandemic has allowed me to assess my perception of self and the world around me. The veil that masked socio-economic inequalities and systemic injustices has been lifted. There is an atmosphere of collective pain and as an artist, I honor this season by writing for those who cannot speak for themselves. When the #BlackLivesMatter revolution intensified, I couldn’t hold back. I couldn’t hold back when the number of rape cases in Botswana plummeted. There is no room left to hold back anymore. Community resilience is solely dependent on individual resilience. Resilience means knowing when to put down the things that exhaust us, having control over the state of our hearts, and knowing we are alive to defeat adversity.

Dr. Claire Weekes once said, “Strength is not born from strength, Strength can be born only from weakness. So be glad of your weaknesses now, they are the beginning of your strength.” It's in lockdown, 7784 miles away from home that I felt surrounded by people, institutions, and organizations who held my hand through this experience and gave me support, a feeling of belonging, and life-changing conversations.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

 Books I read:

Kola Boof- Nile River Woman

TJ Dema- Mandible

Chenjerai Hove- Bones

Kwame Dawes- Midland

Yaa Gyasi- Homegoing

Elizabeth Acevedo- The Poet X

Nicole Sealy- Ordinary Beast

Warsan Shire- Our Men Do Not Belong to Us

Richard Wright- Black Boy

Films:

Maya Angelou: And Still I Rise

Missing Girls

On the basis of sex

At the recommendation of my mentor, TJ Dema, I read:

The Poet’s Companion by KimAddonizio and Dorianne Laux,

The Triggering Town by Richard Hugo

Some chapbooks from the African Poetry Book Fund